in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
