I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
