She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Gay?
German.
Pity.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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