Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
