fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize