So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
