So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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