you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
