i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
