I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
