We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Randomize
