can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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