the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
