First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
