he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
