when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
