just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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