1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Randomize
