Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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