OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
