pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I'm passing your future prison.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
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