So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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