i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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