I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
