If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
