I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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