Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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