Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
