i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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