I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
