You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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