Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
