My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
