May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Oh god it's open bar.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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