I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I have fence marks all over my body
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
