loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
