Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
