Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Operation Purity has been aborted
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize
