i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
