Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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