if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
