I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
so much tequila, so little girl.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
