Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
