Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
