Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
