I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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