i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i came on her dog
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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