I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Randomize
