East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize