that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
