Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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