Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
