I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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