Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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