I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize