when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
