so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
i now understand why vodka
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
