I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
