What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
