I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
