So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
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