You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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