You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
