I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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