Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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