So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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