she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
