Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Randomize
